3 Ways to Bring More Pleasure + Sensuality Into Your Life

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Sometimes it seems that these modern times are set up to disconnect us from our sensuality. Fast paced life, hours on the computer, never-ending to do lists...all these things can take us into our heads and out of our body, and thus away from intimacy and pleasure.

It can feel like we are chasing intimacy and pleasure or that we have given up on it all together. But underneath we long to feel alive, connected and juicy.

One of the main traps I have both personally experienced and witnessed in my work is thinking that pleasure is somewhere out there. Something that we want but don’t have. Maybe it’s those delicious orgasms you read about or the promise of mindblowing sex if you try out some “hot new techniques.” Maybe it’s a desire to feel beautiful turned into a longing for some new clothes.

Now all of these things could bring you a lot of pleasure, however it can be easy to get fixated on an idea that pleasure is in the future, when in fact:

Pleasure is in the moment. Pleasure is in sensations. The touch of fabric on your skin, a delicious bite of food, the caress of the wind on your cheek...

In order to experience pleasure you need to be in the moment, and in your body.

This is where the magic of sensuality enters. I like to think of cultivating sensuality as a gateway into sexual + life fulfillment. Sensuality is a practice of relating to the world, in which everything becomes an opportunity for presence, and pleasure. Sensuality takes us into the body, into our senses, and into a more expanded state of communion with all things.

Here are three simple practices to help connect you to your sensuality right now:

  1. Touch your body

Try doing this in a non-goal oriented way. So often when we self pleasure we rush towards the finish line, anticipating the sensations of orgasm. How would it feel to explore every part of your body with complete presence, and no agenda? Try setting a timer (and a sexy space) for 15 minutes of unconditional, self loving touch.

2. Follow sensations, not your mind.

This is a powerful practice in any kind of erotic encounter, (and the above practice!) as well as in all of your life. You can practice this at the grocery store, while eating or brushing your teeth. Simply bring your awareness to the sensations present in your body. Whenever you notice your mind wandering (which it will), just come back to the sensations. The more you practice this, the more it will become your reality!


3. Commit to a personal pleasure practice

This could be self pleasure, or carving out time for you to do something you KNOW makes you feel good and brings you pleasure. Pleasure doesn’t have to fall in the sexual category. Things like going on walks, swimming, or spending time in nature could bring you pleasure. Tune into what makes you feel good and then make sure you have time to prioritize that!

If you want to cultivate even more sensuality and pleasure in your life and receive the support of a powerful group of womxn practicing alongside you: I am opening enrollment for my newest course: The Wild Feminine: An 8 Week Journey of Embodied Awakening, where we will use pleasure, sensuality and wildness as a gateways into embodiment and deep self love.

How To Start + Commit To A Daily Practice

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When I think of all the benefits I've received from studying and practicing Tantra and embodiment over the years, here is what I find:

  • increased sensitivity and aliveness in my body

  • deeper, more expansive orgasms

  • greater devotion

  • ability to harness my emotions as energy and power

  • greater inspiration and passion in my life

  • more intimacy with myself, others and the divine....

… and so much more I can't possibly put into words…but there is actually only ONE real reason that I am experiencing these things and that is:

Practice.

Yep. You've probably heard it again and again. You want to master something? Practice. Practice is how the violinist becomes a virtuoso, how the novice singer becomes the opera star... (I'm sure there are many examples that don't include music)....how about feeling alive?

Yes. Feeling alive is something you can practice. Devotion is something you can practice. Intimacy is something you can practice.

But I find many people can get stuck on this part. We expect (and wouldn't it be nice) if the things we really want would just come to us with no effort?

However if that were the case I think we'd be missing out on a key element of the journey: that the magic is in the moment. And we absolutely have the power to practice, and allow the practicing to become the thing that we long for.

Okay okay, but how? Here are a few simple tips to help you start, and commit to a daily practice.

  1. Select what it is you want to practice, and be specific.

    Maybe you want to practice breathing for 5 minutes. Stretching your body. Dancing. Choose something that excites you! And if you have no idea what practice to pick and want someone to curate that for you – scroll down to the end of this post.

  2. Decide how long you are going to do the practice for

    First start with how many days you'd like to do the practice for, and be realistic! A week can be a great place to start because it is generally easy to accomplish – which sends yourself the message that you CAN DO IT! (and you can always decide to keep going if you feel inspired.) Traditional time periods for sadhana (practice) are 21 days, 40 days or 100 days if you're feeling super ambitious.

  3. Now decide on how long you will do the practice for every day.

    2 minutes? 5 minutes? 15 minutes? Pick something that you could EASILY do everyday – even if it seems small. Don't go for an hour of dancing if you don't realistically think you can do it everyday. Now Set a timer. This will help you relax into the container of the practice, without checking the clock or getting distracted!

  4. Have an accountability buddy.

    It can be extremely helpful to have someone you can check in with. In the ideal world, they'd also be doing the practice as well! That way you can support each other through any resistance that may arise and cheer each other on!

  5. Be gentle on yourself!

    Remember that criticism does not create a space conducive to growth. If you fall off, simply notice and continue! No one is going to critique you but yourself. Also know that resistance is very likely going arise. And that is actually a very good sign – because it can mean that a pattern that once held a grip on you is loosening. Try on the attitude of embracing resistance and continuing anyways. And enlist support from your accountability buddy and/or community!

Whew! We made it!

At this point, I hope you feel that starting and committing to a daily practice is absolutely something you can do.

If you do decide to start a daily practice, please let me know so I can cheer you on! You can comment here, or shoot me an email at rosalieambergrace@gmail.com

Rose petals at your feet,

Rosalie

Holistic Fertility Management

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   For centuries women have been managing their fertility naturally.

Practices of fertility management date back to prehistoric times where women marked the passing of the moon & their menses with notches on bones and known well the use of plant allies to prevent or release pregnancy. Today, many of us have lost touch with these ancient practices and connection, and have come to rely on external care providers and systems of healthcare that are disconnected from the wisdom of nature.

 

    Our fertility is deeply connected to our life essence. Thus when we give over the management of our fertility/ life energy to those outside ourselves – pharmaceutical companies, doctors, legislators, etc, we lose the opportunity to be truly in charge of our bodies and lives. When we reclaim our decisions around our fertility, we empower our sovereignty and affirm our creative nature.

 

    Fertility Awareness gives us this relationship ~ it is a practice of engaging with our body daily, learning its language and then living our life according to its signs and signals.

So much more than a practical tool, learning to gauge our fertility enables us to assess where we are in our creative cycle and how we want to use our energy. We learn to go with the current of our hormones and emotions rather than against, trusting that in the times our body is asking us to rest and go inward we will find replenishment for the bursts of activity ahead. We learn to let our creative ideas gestate and take on natural cycles of expansion and contraction, trusting in the wisdom of the cycles that are playing out in our lives and beyond.

 

    Every day we have the opportunity to connect to the rhythms of our bodies and of the earth. We can know if we are fertile, and decide how to use our energy accordingly. We can listen to the circadian rhythms of dark and light, day and evening and align our daily routines with those rhythms to support our hormonal health.

When we feel something going “awry” in our bodies, instead of needing to look to a higher authority figure to “fix” us, we can first consult the vast body of knowledge and wisdom gained from cultivating a deep relationship with our cycles. We can come to trust our body's cycles as a natural and beautiful phenomena, embracing even the messiness and especially the intrinsic connection we have with all life.

 

    

 

The Beauty of Breakdowns

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Ever since I can remember I’ve had breakdowns.

They would come in like a tidal wave in high school: one thread would break and I’d be bedbound, drowning in feeling.

Usually I’d emerge at the end of the day feeling lighter, more renewed, cleansed.

My parents and mentors didn’t understand. They thought I was overly sensitive, easily overwhelmed, and that something was “wrong.” I believed this too about myself: judging the times when I would slide into the chaos of feelings and pain that ripped me open.

Over the years, I began to learn ways to process my emotions more frequently so they wouldn’t pile up into an intimidating avalanche, but the truth is I still have these moments: where the wild waters of emotion ride me so deep that I lose a grip on my personality and sense of self.

I’m learning to see these times as moments of re-making, cracking my vessel open wider to hold even more love. I’m learning to suspend the judgement against myself for being a deeply sensitive person.

Because the more I allow the feelings to course through my being, the more I open to intimacy - with myself, with the moment, with all things.

And then I see that what is pathologized is actually a deep gift - to myself, to humanity, to the aching longing of life itself to be experienced in totality.

If you are a deeply sensitive person, my question to you is: what would it be like to lift any judgement you have about your sensitivity? What would/could you do to honor it as a sacred gift?

 

The Gifts of Grief

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Yesterday I attended a Grief Ritual. I’ve been intimate with grief for 17 years yet have never grieved in community.

 I have often noticed myself thinking that I should be “over it by now,” feeling isolated, and wondering if there is something "wrong with me" for still deeply sailing the wild waters of grieving my mother's passing. During the workshop I let this truth sink in:

If I go into my grief it will only make me more alive.

Once home, I stumbled on some writing from about a year ago which perfectly sums up the connection between our gifts and our grief that I want to share with you.

For so many years, I have searched for her comfort in the arms of partners, which only seemed to create deeper pain and entanglement, and still a persisting emptiness. The real nourishment has come when I dive deep into grief's waters and welcome the full spectrum of its gift.

 


 

"I've been searching the remnants for mother. She seems such a distant memory. I come across her things – faded, telling of the stories of her life. How could I comprehend hers when she is so long gone from mine?

 

Could it be that she was recycled and is now the wet ground upon which I kneel?

The sun whose rising I worship each day?

Could she be the flowering rose outside my window?

Whispering to me of constant companionship in her arms...

 

Now dear lover, I see, I could have never found her in you. She is far too vast, too earthly, too all encompassing – found in every particle of light and moist soil beneath the forest floor. This is how new life is generated. And nothing is missing.

 

I see that you came to comfort me.

I see I was reaching out in despair.

And yet now let me be, this grief is heaven sent.

 

I keep her things, but I move on.

Out into this colorful world where life and death dance like two strands of DNA

winding up your spine, winding like rivers.

The underwater goddess washes me clean,

Whispers to me of ancient remembering.

 

I pray

That I may carry this forth to my people,

That I may find a root in this crazy world.

That I may open my mouth to sing, speak of these things I feel in the depths of my heart,

in the heart of all of us.

 

This grief is a gift because it births words and actions that I could never reach any other way

This grief is a gift because it is the mud where I grow I roots,

The wellspring where I draw my love,

The tears that nourish my tender offerings to this world.

It is not conditional, this grief is a portal to deeper being.

beckoning me to feel, from the depths I will give life."

 


So often we want to make the grief “go away,” and yet in that we are actually pushing away a portal into the depths of our own love.

What would happen if instead we turned towards the sensations of grief and let them lead us through the door?

How can we create more spaces to safely and openly grieve and let it turn us into deeper, more open and alive beings?

 

I welcome your ideas and stories of grief and loss.

 

In grief filled love,

Rosalie

 


How to Slow down and Get what you really want

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Last night I had a dream that I was involved in a relay race to try and stop Trump from being president. I was teamed up with Jack, a boy I went to waldorf school with whom I had a huge crush on in sixth grade, and our mission was to stop *Trump by collecting as much dry oatmeal as possible and then dumping it out at preselected stations along a path. It was so stressful! Because I was trying to dump out the dry oats so fast, I barely had enough time to fill my vessel for more. I kept spilling the oats everywhere and it ended up taking much longer than I had hoped - in fact, the more I struggled to be quick, the longer it seemed to take and the more frustrated I became.

 

After I woke up, a little disgruntled, I sat down for my morning meditation practice, which helped me to smooth and embrace some of the waves of agitation moving through my body from the dream. I then climbed back into bed with my lover for some snuggles. We began to explore sensually and as the energy began to build, I noticed that I was still feeling tight in my body - I was yearning to make love and feel connected but I felt just a bit ahead of myself. I was reaching for a state that I had pictured ideally in my mind, and forgetting about what my body needed in that moment to get there. When I let him enter me, the muscles in my vagina were tight and contracted, not fully open. My partner, sensing this, actually lost his arousal! As we laid there, holding each other I realized that attempting to achieve a certain state sexually that I was not actually ready for actually lessened the potential for intimacy between me and my partner - which is truly what I was craving.

 

Back to the dream. As I feel into the messaging of this dream I understand how trying, in a rushed way, to achieve something - whether that is stopping Trump or having truly satisfying lovemaking, was putting me farther from the result I craved. This is because I was coming from a disconnected state, I had lost my presence in the desire for a certain outcome.

 

Enter the medicine of slowing down. Sometimes it is so hard! Here is a common fear for me: what if I slow down and nothing happens? What if I don’t get what I want?

But more and more I discover this secret:

What I deeply want is presence.

And the deepest intimacy lies within presence.

What I want is already here, in every moment. It just takes slowing down enough to enter that moment and become fully aware of it. It becomes a receiving, rather than a trying, and finally, my vessel is able to be filled.

Stay tuned and please let me know if you have any ideas on how to apply this to political situations!

Love,

Rosalie